This page is a personal archive of writings that are more emotional, articulate in some ways. They are the crystals that build up my biggest project, myself.


11 Mar 2020


At the moment I write, the moment is lost, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations are lost as I try to preserve them in words. This preservation is an attempt to translate sensations into words. The preservation that alters form, a translation that translates only the part that is speakable, they speak the words of incompleteness.

At the moment I write, the moment is lost, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations are lost as I try to preserve them in words. This preservation is an attempt to translate sensations into words. The preservation that alters form, a translation that translates only the part that is speakable, they speak the words of incompleteness.

I am a writer. I write no stories, except one, mine. But I also don’t even write my story, they are as boring and exciting as any stories. My story transformed into words as I put my thoughts in articulation. But my story is never fully transformed into words. Wait, I think I can do it, just for this time: I spend my life sleeping and eating, I like to play mobile games in the toilet so that’s also a big part of my life. So where did the thought-provoking introduction of this article come from? Ahh, they came from about 1% of my life, and you should not care about them because me, this very existence should be best encapsulated by what I do usually. This is so tiring for this is the first time I ever write about my story. In fact, now I am regretting sharing my story with you, my story is boring and my past tells you nothing about me. In fact, I am not even making a point, I hate articulation because it limits our imagination. If I cannot say it out, does it mean that the thought I am thinking about now is unclear or not-well-developed yet? I also hate telling stories because stories are easy to provoke emotions but that’s cheating, experiences are untranslatable into words, the story is always only part of the story! So what do I write? I write the words of the unordered, chaos, non-sense, current. I never produce anything meaningful unless you make my work meaningful in your mind, I am only re-enacting the chaos in my brain. In fact, I am creating chaos, bringing, exposing the chaos underlying all the order we see on the surface.

I write in order to think, I do not write for the sake of writing or presenting my brilliant work, although I will still publish it. I actually do not consider myself a writer. I am a thinker. I like to think without words in my mind, I like to draw connections between different ideas, concepts, theories in different fields of knowledge in my head. They have no form in my brain. I am always asked to present them in the form of words, of signs. But I always try to refuse to talk, because there’s never a word, a sentence, a paragraph that can totally encapsulate what I am thinking about. I could only use words to describe to the nearest what I am thinking about. I hate talking because I am forced to talk as if the words that I am talking about entails exactly what I want them to mean. In fact, sometimes I confuse myself that I am talking incongruent to what I am thinking about. The more I talk, the more my thinking becomes formal, becomes limited by the words, becomes stable, they ceed to be able to mean differently. However, I like talking because others always misunderstand what I am saying, and from this point on, my thinking starts seeing the possibility that my words, my thoughts could be meant differently, they ceed to be stable.

Click here to download this writing

Same but different

3 May 2020


How is your day? It’s fine. What do you expect me to answer, huh? Are you pissed? Not particularly, why? Sounds like you are. Oh, sometimes I am rude, sometimes I am nice, my time is not continuous. I change so much, today, tomorrow, last month in the Himalayas, today earlier skyping my old school friends. My day is not continuous, I can tell you how I could curate my day to tell you something interesting, but my day, everyday is a beautiful chaos on its own.


I have gotten no idea whatsoever for what I have done in the last few hours. I have upgraded my computer and found this virus that keeps spamming my computer until my computer runs out of memory. I have cooked myself a pot of rice mixed with previously cooked mushrooms. I have made a self surveillance session in which I exposed my living for 6 hours by setting up a CCTV in my room. I woke up, feeling refreshed. All these unrelated events, they are part of my archive. And in the archive, I compose, I edit, I distort. I am making sense out of nowhere, out of chaos, independent events. Hummmmm… Ah ha!

Made a transcript of the day, found the connection between seperate things. Spotting out the virus in my life, realizing my own tendency to make certain choices.

Chop. chop. Chop. chop.

Cutting previously recorded footages, and composing them, seasoning them with care, trying to cook it differently each time, approaching it with heterogeneity.


The moment I know I am being watched, I push myself to do something, to do something. I feel like I am connected but I am not, I am just being Anthony. Doing my own things, and sometimes sharing what I am doing. God knows what is privacy. I would tie my hair nicely and wear nice clothes for meeting my friends, but at the same time, wearing something less than pajamas might also present who I am without too much curation.

Woooahhhh! What time is it now?

I must be waking up late, crap, I have to zoom my teacher literally now, after 1 minute after I open my eyes.

What makes sense? Nothing makes sense, they just happen by themselves.

How is your day? It’s fine. What do you expect me to answer, huh? Are you pissed? Not particularly, why? Sounds like you are. Oh, sometimes I am rude, sometimes I am nice, my time is not continuous. I change so much, today, tomorrow, last month in the Himalayas, today earlier skyping my old school friends. My day is not continuous, I can tell you how I could curate my day to tell you something interesting, but my day, everyday is a beautiful chaos on its own.



Long forgot when I started to be obsessed with enjoying the chaos of this world. Today is no different than every day, at the same time today is so much different than every day. The superposition of hyperposition of states, the heterogeneity of approaching the same thing became the core of my current self. Trying to be fluid, gaining the ability to change myself, or change something outside of me, if needed, no matter what context I exist in. All just for necessity, and for fun. Greed is not a word in my dictionary, but suffice is.

Nice spoken, but guess what? The reality that I have to face is that I have to witness the chaos, listen to the unthinkable, bathing in the non-human centric ideas. They are not made to make sense of, but somehow my art is about making sense of this pile of crap, the good ones.

I spend so much time on the phone watching useless Youtube videos, it’s procrastination that is half good half sucky. The upside is that procrastination is necessary for creativity, but the downside is not so much from this form of procrastination. It is almost to the extent where I felt like watching those videos are to avenge the reality that I have to face the chaos, which i gotten myself into.

Recently, I found a good way of procrastination, cooking. Still, now I have developed an occupational disease of trying to do the same thing differently each time. As a result, uncooked rice is foreseeable, even with my Chinese origin. And what a surprise, today the mushroom rice is fucking PERFECTTTT. I think I found a mushroomlight within myself. Here is another occupational disease: Reading all the things that people recommended me to read, because I am also an irrelevant information collector. I do like to collect and read about irrelevant stuff outside of the things I like. And mushroomlight is from a polish youtube channel.

And what about your self-surveillance session? Would you think you can bullshit into your own practice? Emmm… I am afraid, I can’t. (Turn my head against the camera) Because I don’t want to now, I am too tired, can’t care enough.


DIRECTOR: I think this take is a little bit too, humm, how should I say, too nihilistic, or almost negative (?)You have to I know it’s hard, but formalize yourself better, in a more presentable way.


I am for an art that is maximalistic. Complex systems and hyper-interconnectivity.

I am for an art that is buddhist. A calm, open-ended attitude towards the tragedy of seeing chaos.

No black, no white, no land, no borders, no high, no low, no human, no aliens, no singular, no plural. Language is delimiting, because we see things in oppositions, but not in more kinds of relationships. We should talk with uncertainty, with open-ended-ness, unlike this manifesto.


Director: No manifesto in 2020! Cliche.

(Scene 1 faded out)

(DIrect cut to scene 2)

(Director got punched in the face)

Director: Ugh… (Trying to get up from his director chair) Who dafug hit me in my goddamm EYES?

(Scene 2 cut out) (Music)

Am I too care-free about being presentable whatsoever? I think I am completely care free. But since we are here, let me talk a bit. You must be curious about how that director is, but in fact he doesn’t exist right from the start. I am the director, I challenge myself, and I hit myself in my face. Sometimes you have to dis-continue to being yourself and see yourself as someone else, and sometimes give a good punch, well secretly. What I am doing is no different from the self surveillance session I did to myself, I am disclosing my actions, some of my thoughts, as well as sharing them to you, maybe you could get something out from here, but if not, that’s okay too, just like how I don’t always get interesting results from collecting irrelevant stuffs.

(Director punch me right on my face, classic film sequence, boring reverging stories)

Director: Now you are trying to deceive the audience to think that you are the smart guy but in fact you are just laying, slacking off in your own room all day long, huh?

(I am trying to talk on the floor, seeing duplicates of the director)


Director: If not, why do you think I am here?

Click here to download this script

Egle invited me to read something or a poem I wrote. I wrote a 10 mins script before and this is the first time I read it out. Maybe I can make it a performance? Thanks Egle for the idea to make it a performance.

My first trial acting out this script without any preparation:


1 Aug 2020





沒有睡意的夜晚總會最後在找到睡意。然而一睡就是五個月。這五個月並非混混噩噩的長眠,而是比真實更真實的清醒夢(lucid dream)。在清醒夢裡,你很清楚你在做夢,更甚的可以控制夢境。

斯拉沃熱·齊澤克(Slavoj Žižek)在電影《變態電影指南》(The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema)告訴我們當現實太難以面對,我們會沉醉於電影有希望而又不失真的世界中,在電影裡找到一些意義。當電影越有深度、有意思,他越是會呈現一些能凸顯或放大某部分真實狀態(例如人性、人的生活狀態、社會的某個層面等)的境象。這些是比真實更真實的場景,於是我們又只能從電影院逃回家裡,想著剛剛的兩個小時做了場惡夢。回到現實不久,又覺得痛苦,於是又必須回到電影的世界中。這就成了無盡不停的循環。這聽起來是一個可怕的經驗。究竟是什麼可怕呢?循環?痛苦?不變?(2020年7月頭)



我以前在搬屋的期間需要在老師那裡暫住,在生活上他很清楚自己喜歡不喜歡什麼,需要不需要什麼,於是有心情的時候可以創作,不在狀態的時候也不需要花很多精力打理自己的生活。累的時候不用想就可以煮出自己接受到的食物,這並非他廚藝精堪,而是他知道累的時候最簡單的食物是什麼。用餐的碟子是朋友製作的陶瓷製品,湯匙必須是木的,因為其他物料會影響味覺。交通都是自己踩單車的,因為他的工作讓他花了很多時間坐在電腦前,而他的身體好像不動就會消失,於是單車的一點運動和下坡的刺激就成了他每天的一些自由時刻。他對自己的房間非常執著。他租了新房子,而租之前以至到入夥之後大概一兩個月,每天都在計畫自己的屋子。入夥前為自己的家和需要的家具做了電腦3D模型,然後在那個模型裡面不停試著不同的擺位。他絕大部分的家具都是自己設計自己建造的,因為自己明白自己的需求,按自己的需求做出自己每天自己工作的桌子、坐著的椅子、放東西的開放式櫃子以及廚房內的一切(我記得入夥時他的廚房好像是只有煤氣和水的管子的)。常人可能會覺得他很執著,不過我覺得這是一個人非常關心自己的表現,因為在乎自己以及自己的生活所以不能不執著。不夠關注自己,於是就不多花時間留意自己每天的飲食,自己也就不知道自己什麼時候應該吃什麼,到肚瀉的時候才會注意自己的飲食。我以為我的藝術就是我尋道之處,於是我在乎我的創作,因為我的創作就是我對一些我關心的事情(包括人生態度、戀愛、溝通等等)的思考。可是不然,生活才該是我尋道之處,藝術只是我尋道的其中一種足跡。對自己不關心,無從打理自己生活,何以關心別人,更何能言愛,言“改善世界”之論(此處改善不應理解成正面心理學Positive Psychology所說的強制的改善,而是如教化一群人,按地方、文化、時機的需求在地思考在地幫助世界的不同角落)呢?當我們如此關心社會的時候,我們究竟又對自己有多關心呢?如果我們對自己的生活不關心,我們又能如何在其他事情上成事呢?最終自己只會因根基不穩而倒塌。為了重整根基,我想我現在需要的是觀察以及休息,其外的事情為二。(2020年8月1日)





Dear my friends

4 Jul 2020


I am not smart, because I am now even hesitating about what I should eat now. But I am thinking. And though I have friends who are nearby me, I couldn't think for them seriously, I am curing myself just like anyone in my age, but my body is more delicate, thus I need to pay extra care. The most I could do for each of my friends is my omnipresence, sometimes a glance, sometimes a message on whatsapp.

Probably you didn’t hear from me for weeks, for months or even for years. All the time that I choose not to connect with you isn’t because I forgot about you, but I felt deeply naïve in a lot of things, I am trying to grow in a bit of isolation. I still need you, I still think of you, but most of you aren’t near me at all. Part of the isolation is not intended.

When we are given lifes, we start to be influenced by the outer world, and we also start to cure some internal imbalance brought by the outer world. That is indeed a very chinese way of thinking. It is at this very moment I feel how accurate such description is. I have had ongoing diarrhea since 2 weeks ago. Each day I am thinking about what I should eat. Back in Hong Kong, I knew I would eat rice porridge when diarrhea, sometimes out of convenience, I could even order rice porridge from a restaurant. I could also cook soup with white gourd, or some other veggies that are kind to stomach. Here in Prague, most veggies I find in supermarkets are not that good for the stomach, and no one here sells rice porridge. I have to cook it by myself. Of course I learned to make rice porridge in several trials. This is an example of how a trivial matter leads up to dozens of problems. We were told to aim for higher intelligence, more knowledge in schools. How are they important when you do not know yourself well, when you are sitting on the toilet and cannot even think about anything else other than “what should I cook today?”

When we learn, we picture ourselves grabbing knowledge from outside and feeding it to ourselves. But shouldn’t we start learning everything from ourselves? We might have missed the point all the time, maybe we learn so that we can see the biggest black box - ourselves. When I understand myself, not like dissecting myself into pieces and see what each part is responsible for, but like understanding how I should take care of myself, at that point I am able to do anything. But there’s a catch, the process of understanding how to take care of ourselves probably lasts from birth to death. I don’t really know when I am able to do anything, but I know it is not now, this isn’t my time to do anything yet..

I am not smart, because I am now even hesitating about what I should eat now. But I am thinking. And though I have friends who are nearby me, I couldn't think for them seriously, I am curing myself just like anyone in my age, but my body is more delicate, thus I need to pay extra care. The most I could do for each of my friends is my omnipresence, sometimes a glance, sometimes a message on whatsapp.

Click here to download this writing


15 Jun 2019 afternoon




的在屏幕上 略過


在日間只能遙望 擔心
未來 的等等在

垂柳思根 也思風 也思水

風伴柳長 水引樹思
絲絲詩意 訴不盡思意
唯他日見 盡白之 卻恐已忘

在自己的窩裡 風比成長更注目
遇風 柳才能解 釋緒

可真易達極端 需大禹之勤
真而推己及人 難乎!




5 Sept 2019






顏色一直都是畫裡一個最基本、純粹的元素,19世紀末莫內 (Claude Monet) 把顏色看成光,一個色塊是由很多光點組成的,於是例如藍色的天空是又不同分量的三元色拼湊起來的;一戰前馬列維奇 (Kazimir Malevich) 認為通過顏色與形態(form)的抽象 ,一幅畫能達至一個境界 – 以完全脫離於現實述說著人類最純粹的感情;70年代羅斯科 (Mark Rothko) 把顏色看作一幅畫的唯一元素,畫就是顏色的展現。對於畫家而言,顏色是一種價值觀。就宏觀的歷史而言,此價值觀是根據時代的需要而變化,單描繪現實不再是畫的主要職責時,畫家們都轉向抽象,抽象到極點就只剩下顏色而已。就畫家的人生而言,例如在一戰前夕俄羅斯的無政府狀態給馬列維奇帶來了三種對顏色的理解:作為破壞現今系統的標誌、作為尋找可能性的實驗以及作為虛無和無限的集合體。顏色與其他價值觀無異,無時無刻都在因外在環境而激烈改變。

// 此為稿// 而畫家的本性則是一種傾向而已。一個人本性就是喜歡坐著,但是繁忙時間地鐵裡沒有空位置,只能站著,久而久之就習慣了,不過有空位時也會想坐著。看一位畫家的一幅畫、讀其對顏色的理解、留意他某個舉動也許是沒有意義的,我們無從考究是



標籤 顏色
本性 煽動 心腸
系統 路西法




Doing Nothing

3 Sept 2020


I love reading. It is not only a passion but also a career necessity because my brain is not big enough to make an artwork or design project, so I need to borrow brains from the past. However, I was diagnosed with a rare digestive disease recently, I could not absorb nutrition normally, thus losing 16 kgs in 3 months. There was a click in my mind that told me to alter my lifestyle, not only I have to choose what to eat, but I have to choose not to read.

This was my application to the scholarship for Doing Nothing 2020 hosted by Friedrich von Borries. Portal to the scholarship website: link It is supposed to be a grant application for initiating a certain project, but I just handed in the application for fun and for thinking.

What do you want not to do?

To read even a single book

How long do you want not to do it for?

2 months

Why is it important not to do this particular thing?

I love reading. It is not only a passion but also a career necessity because my brain is not big enough to make an artwork or design project, so I need to borrow brains from the past. However, I was diagnosed with a rare digestive disease recently, I could not absorb nutrition normally, thus losing 16 kgs in 3 months. There was a click in my mind that told me to alter my lifestyle, not only I have to choose what to eat, but I have to choose not to read.

It is about finding what is suitable for me, not what I am told of what might be good for me. I have to re-evaluate every part of my daily habits and surroundings. Restaurant food or I cook? High nutrition or low fat is more important? How can I go out when I do not even have enough energy to shop for 10 minutes? When in the day should I shop or cook so that I can distribute my limited energy to cater myself well even when I am sick? And then it comes to reading, is it suitable for me to read even though I still have a lot of free time left after doing all those errands? The answer seems to be that when I do absolutely nothing at the times that I usually would read, I experience boredom that triggers me to think about what really is important to myself. Turns out this chain of questions were produced during the times of my boredom.

Experiencing boredom to an intensity could trigger a sensitivity towards oneself and our environments. Boredom itself is painful, messy ideas and thoughts begin to pour in as I started to endure the boredom a bit. A bit more I would start questioning myself, about everything. It is in such a moment that I started to be observant of myself, just like seeing myself from someone else’s perspective, I began to discover what I ignored and missed out on things that I usually do without thinking. Thanks to the boredom, I slowly become a bit more sensitive to my feelings in relation to my food intake, or the effects of the object placement in my room to my habits. Boredom triggers me to even be sensitive when I am not bored and allows me to be accurate of what actions, habits, foods are suitable for “the me” (human-specific) at this moment (context-specific).

Why are you the right person not to do it?

I have reserved for myself at least 2 months of recovery for my body to an acceptable extent. I love books and I would encourage people to read. But in this specific situation, in this very body of mine, I need more boring times than usual to question and see what is suitable for every little part of my daily living now, thus I choose not to do the thing that I spent the most time on, and paused all my projects and university course/ activities. This is the choice of now, which means that after 2 months of recovery, what suits me to not do could be something else that triggers boredom, triggers thinking, this is a context-specific choice to not read. In another body, the same situation should be handled differently, to not read is a human-specific choice.

My digestive problem is not only my physical condition, but it is also the unnoticed condition of this society. My digestive disease did not come out of nowhere, it was the result of the accumulated fast food intake and my unawareness of what was going through my body. We have been constantly feeding ourselves fast food without noticing it. A faster way of achieving a Ph.D., more efficient designs to making food, more effective ways to receive knowledge. However, some detours from high school to Ph.D. might suits one’s pace more; efficient food production might cause people to not care of their food because the food is easily delivered to your mouth and you have no responsibility to understand the food in order to eat it; sometimes learning online confuses you, because you are overloaded with various information, and do not know how to digestive this traffic. We are unaware that we are deceived to walk in a straight line, convenience, efficiency, and effectiveness are often about how things could be better implemented, but not how things could be implemented that suit the local environment (context-specific), and the communities associated with the things (human-specific).

In anyhow, I am now in no position to make big words about the society, because I am still ignorant of my body, I am still trying to put together the pieces I observe about my body while taking medication and work with my body. The body is one’s root of everything. Without a well-cared body, I do not see how I can be capable of caring about the knowledge I learn and care about how I use the knowledge! Then, how can I go on to care about others, and even support or take care of others? How can I furthermore care about the communities, and community space, or the environment that I live in?

No big words and no reading. Both encourage an attitude to leave space to do nothing and care/ take care of our very body that holds up all our intelligence and actions. Furthermore, to-not-read triggers boredom that reserves a bigger imaginary space to think for what suits me, to see what I should care about right now and how.

//too long didn’t include// Doing nothing is a choice, a choice to create blanks on a Chinese traditional painting so that each stroke that you do is basic, fundamental for further development of the painting. Now the blank makes the strokes suitable for the painting, it is marvelous.

Click here to download this writing


5 Jul 2019








孔子從人的生活出發,由此構想一個理想的社稷;墨子從一個上帝的視角構想一個沒有戰爭的世界,由此推論這樣的世界,人究竟要有什麼心態。所以仁愛是貼近生活而實質的,而兼愛是理想的,甚至有一點烏托邦的感覺。我小時候也曾經抱有著類似兼愛的想法,如果我對某某朋友好,那我也必須對其他朋友相對的好,與墨子不同,我的出發點純粹就是想公平對待朋友的想法,卻已經難於登天。何況是墨子所說的待別人如己父?我覺得這是不可取的心態,我可不是聖人。而孔子所言的仁首先需要一個人展露真性情,其後把他適當的壓制。反觀自己,我很多事情都是接受的,因而“無所謂”是我其中一個口頭禪。當我讀到仁的意釋時,我在想我接受的是不是我真的接受,還是是我覺得折騰一會也沒差的呢?近期我找不到房子住,只好暫時住在我老師家裡。我以為年輕人與中年人生活不會有太大區別,但是我意識到他比我在生活上更 執著,素食,肉類讓他提不起神來;喝茶,就是像香口膠一般的存在;熟悉的鋼琴音樂和弦盡量不重複彈奏,不然只是原地踏步,沒有進展;簡約主義的音樂,聽到會客觀地評價,但還 是會表示自己的討厭;附近的超市都不會去,因為裡面的空氣有股巨大的塑膠味。大概幾十年 的人生使他對自己的身體與喜好非常了解,於是該規律的就規律,不重要的就隨意。我是否也明暸自己的喜好呢?以仁為目標,我大概要注意多點自己的第一反應。



雖說讀中國思想史是為了觀測自己,實際的出發點應該是更單純地想更深入了解自己的根源吧 。生於香港,身在外地,就是為了文化交流,若我對自己根源的文化毫不認識,如何交流呢?我曾經聽蕭若元講明朝的開國皇帝朱元璋的建國歷史然後再去讀倚天屠龍記。由於金庸先生寫的小說都是架空與實質歷史之上,故事與歷史文化相扣,精彩絕倫!文化往往離不開歷史,即使讀的是思想史,也需要讀相對應的歷史才容易理解。此處說的歷史,不只包括歷史事件,更重要的是當時的意識形態。以古鑑今,究竟相對古人來說,現代人思想上有何區別呢?讀中國歷史和文學,由開始為了了解自己根源,慢慢轉變成為了思索我們現在的外在環境。






了解當文化最直接的方法就是與當地人溝通,不然閱讀相關書籍也許體驗會更多。以旅遊來了解文化的難處就在於語言的不通。呆了在捷克9個月,我自認不是懂很多捷克語,設想我未來在印度旅遊半年,我又如何能從中了解當地風土人情呢?當然通過觀察也可以懂不少,可我始終覺得語言涵蓋了一種價值觀,反映的是更實質的生活狀況。聽我朋友說荷蘭文裡意會著“下雨”的有五到六個字,就是因為當地經常下雨。馬薩特克人住在墨西哥的山脈裡面,他們的語言就是用口哨吹出來的,因此他們能不出家門也能向數公里外的人傳達信息。這些例子都是一 些非常片面的實例,實質上我也舉不出什麼有趣的例子。還有兩年在捷克的時間,我決定通過學習捷克語找出自學語言的方法。

如何自學?我曾經閱讀過關於世界語的簡單介紹,然後通過對比不同的文句,可以很快的找到句子的意思。世界語的文法與讀音沒有例外,因此很容易學習。不過對於有例外而且文法複雜的語言就有更大難度了,例如德文。之前我為了去德國留學而花過一年在香港的語言學校學德文。學習的方法就是教科書般的模式,由簡單字眼與基本發音,到文法的學習,其後才是練習德文的溝通。可是人腦可不是如此井井有序,根據邏輯循序思考著的。我覺得完全正確的文法在一開始是不適當的,想要一開始就以完成正確的文法溝通只會讓自己提不起勁以外語溝通, 到最後還是會用遊客語言–英語來溝通。此外,老師教的口訣什麼的都是一些捷徑,比起學習這些捷徑,思考老師究竟一開始如何察覺這些規律的好像來得更有意思。網上查到的很多都是這一類只把結果告訴我們的捷徑,學習語言就變得乏味了。在互聯網還沒有普及的年代,難道那些想通過旅遊來進行文化交流的旅行家就沒有辦法快速在幾個月裡能以當地語言溝通的嗎?他們是如何學語言的?這個問題我在解讀瑪雅文字的紀錄片裡找到暫時性的答案。

用瑪雅語言書寫的書籍只剩不夠5本,絕大部分的字都是在瑪雅遺址的石碑上。開始的時候只能把相近的文字收集繼而分類,不過還是完全解破不到瑪雅人紀錄著什麼,知道的只有瑪雅的 年份表達。直到一位女考古學家塔蒂安娜 • 普羅斯科亞科夫(Tatiana Proskouriakoff)把石雕上的年份串連在一起,才推斷出石刻才不是紀錄著他們的宗教,而是皇族歷史。就如艾倫 • 圖靈 (Alan Mathison Turing) 發現了德國納粹密電的一開始一定是“希特勒萬歲”從而使計算機可以有效率地破解密電,從普羅斯科亞科夫找到幾塊石碑的意義開始,學者逐漸地把大部分的瑪雅文字給解破了。這是一個極端的例子,不過正好說明了學習語言一開始就是不斷地猜度以及解 密著文字。


  1. 不參考網上資料,除了網上的聆聽材料(等於聆聽地鐵上人們的對話)
  2. 以平常對話,不考慮文法為優先目標
  3. 允許別人教我捷克語,不過不上語言學校(接近最?)






不久後,手指已經厭倦於這個彈過上千次的和弦,慢慢脫離著他,不再用C自然小調的Eb、 Ab與Bb構成旋律。對我來說,這個自然小調很容易與其他和弦搭配,他有著適當的悲情,同時也容易過渡到F大調、Eb大調、Bb大調等有正氣的和弦上。雖然還有很多音階也有相似的特徵,不過還是有像A大調的音階,屬於特別難過渡的類型,據說警報鐘與嬰兒的頻率就是屬於A大調的,A大調就像是生來通過產生不安以吸引注意力的存在。離開C自然小調後,我都會逼迫自己過渡至A大調。因為不常用A大調,所以過渡會比較費力,但會比單單彈C自然小調的時候更有自覺。不自覺彈出來的聲音都是一樣的,只有在自覺的時候才能彈出不一樣的旋律。


在捷克的MeetFactory 做著暑期實習,向研究世界各地民搖、長年演奏類比音音樂(Analog music)的藝術家學習,更覺得我的思路狹窄。雖說他做到音樂並非主流音樂,我也不是經常明白他的演奏,我意識到音樂並非只是黑白森林裡的戲兒、和弦的配合以及旋律結構的變化,更多的是創作目的以及場合。我在自覺狀況下展開的鋼琴實驗只是一種咬文嚼字的句子建構遊戲,根本沒有構想或預想過實驗成品。而研究過往的作曲家並參透他們的思路,對了,就像寫明朝科舉的八股文。明朝科舉不僅只考經義,還要考經義上的延申。通過八股文這種文體來考考生是否能夠把經書上那些難懂的道德規條的意義發揮出來,令選拔出來的官員不是只懂詩詞歌賦的書生。研究過去的作曲家就是理解過往的旋律,嘗試把過去智慧的精華抽出並發揮在我的創作之上。不過,八股文有個致命的壞處,他令考生長年埋頭與經書上,時事與歷史一貫 陌生,造成官員的極端離地,文明朝官員司馬遷是誰可能也不知道。過份的研究過去好像會脫節於現實的音樂環境。在MeetFactory 待久了,就發現創作的基本是交流與體驗。音樂因為房 間的回音而變得凌亂;因為加上了視覺而變得有詩意;因為有了與觀眾的互動而變得相對易懂 ,知道演出的場合改變了編曲的思路。知道場合,就更容易在編曲的時候構想旋律。研究過去 以及實質的演出都是要同時進行的。當務之急應該就是累積一定程度的研究與聽聞吧。





5 Jan 2019













21 Apr 2019


我指在黑白森林上,想的卻不是他們。我想的是如何奏出不同的和弦,不同的音樂結構。這是我現在想探索的區域,如太空人一般地向著未知領域出發。但是這進行的並不順利。不計走向未知的難度,一味的查看未知很多時候會遇到到 “哦,這是我之前未知的,so?” 的想法。這說明了我還不了解那些未知對我的意義。第二,實驗著這些新奇的和弦與結構往往會讓我失去對我彈的每顆音的意識,會失去對其音色的注意力。

作為一位業餘鋼琴手,布拉格對我而言就是音樂私有化的土地。除了在火車站的一兩台鋼琴, 或者厚著面皮地在鋼琴展示廳內無視著售貨員的視線下奏起旋律之餘,其他鋼琴都是需要關係或者付昂貴的金額才能碰到。偶然在酒吧裡表演也行,不過平時要無所顧慮地練習可是一個難題。









黑白鍵已經到了指邊,可是我沒有直接開始演奏。我看見的是由88個鍵組成的無窮可能性,於是我放棄了演奏,轉而把一根手指打落在隨機一個鍵上。聽著這條弦線的顫抖,聽著因為這震動而與其共鳴的其他弦線,聽著這些音在房間裡的回響,聽著其越漸收縮變小的音頻,再聽著其後寧靜裡隱藏著的雜音。我把每個細小的變化都給予了平等的注意力,我把我的意識用於 咀嚼每個轉變,聆聽著我對他們的反應。以科學的語言來說就是注意自己對於音頻變化的反應吧。





我指在黑白森林上,想的卻不是他們。我想的是如何奏出不同的和弦,不同的音樂結構。這是我現在想探索的區域,如太空人一般地向著未知領域出發。但是這進行的並不順利。不計走向未知的難度,一味的查看未知很多時候會遇到到 “哦,這是我之前未知的,so?” 的想法。這說明了我還不了解那些未知對我的意義。第二,實驗著這些新奇的和弦與結構往往會讓我失去對我彈的每顆音的意識,會失去對其音色的注意力。





8 Apr 2019






說不上的不爽只能在這密密麻麻的文字裡發洩。我要說的不是什麼負面的情緒、不是要用邏輯說什麼的,只是我想不通,就像人間失格裡葉藏小時候想不明白枕頭和架空於火車站上的行人天橋的用意一樣,戀愛裡拐彎抹角的雙方 揣測都是多餘的。人不用枕頭也睡得上覺、沒有架空天橋人們也一定想到辦法􏰀到對面月台,沒有互相揣測大家更是能讓雙方容易知道對方的心意。


戀愛跟友誼倆者的本質有什麼不同?我朋友說是肉體的接觸,我是在說本質的分別,不是說倆 者的分別。他們的出發點都是想了解對方,繼而互相支持。只是戀愛是更加親暱。我與每人的相處方式都各有不同的味道,有些更加親暱,更似兄妹,有些是朋友,而戀愛就是其中的一種味道。



好吧,我想我的想法可能與別人也沒什麼區別的。就是20分鐘之前的我分不清心急與真誠的分別。一味表露自己的心意可能就是心急,也許循序漸進可以讓大家有更多時間了解對方。不 過循序漸進依然對我來說是拐彎抹角,除非期間是在實驗相處方式,不然這樣的遊戲根本就是猜猜畫畫。

對於生活,我也是在不停轉換我的生活模式,雖然不管我怎麼轉變,有些事還是不會變的,例如所有衣服都是手洗的,每天都是差不多9點睡醒的,洗澡時唱歌等。在這些基礎之上,轉變 是很有趣的實驗。例如,有天我在草原上聽著音樂就跳起舞來了,我想這就是我喜歡的運動。有兩天因為失戀所以沒心情做任何東西,然後我就拿起我的電腦、放到鋼琴旁就錄起了,這成 了我其中一首我的原創歌曲。又有一天想到窗外有片大草原就去了傢俬店看椅子,一邊想著坐 在椅子上俯瞰城市寫文章是多麼的舒服呢。生活就是如此簡單。


這麼的生活讓我有空閒思考,有空閒挑戰自己。我會迫使自己面對我最討厭的東西,因為對我來說這就是成長,然後討厭的東西經歷過後會好像免疫了似的,變得平常。不過代價就是會對 自己喜歡的東西變的模糊,然後自己的心意也會變得混沌。所以現在我都會花更多時間留意每件事和東西,好讓我有空閒聆聽我的心意。




17 Jun 2019










What do you mean by "I am an artist"

13 May 2019


Today I have been asked by Lynn, who are currently making documentary about art, a series of questions regarding basically what is art and why should we care: "Why does it matter to say that one is itself an artist?", "What do you have to differentiate between yourself as an artist and the public?", "in this sense, Isn't it egotistic to say that I am an artist?"

Today I have been asked by Lynn, who are currently making documentary about art, a series of questions regarding basically what is art and why should we care: "Why does it matter to say that one is itself an artist?", "What do you have to differentiate between yourself as an artist and the public?", "in this sense, Isn't it egotistic to say that I am an artist?"

My immediate response was that saying I am an artist is a self-approval. I am bearing the risk of being view as egotistic or self-bluffing. But I did not answer the question directly. What do I even mean when I say I am an artist?

For 80% of the answer, I would say I am a passionate creator. However, artist and creator is not equivalent, artist denotes a certain fluidity to its characteristics. I would not be bounded by the title of “creator”. Instead, by saying I am an artist, I am asking myself all the time, where should I go next, how do I move on. There is no a specific position where I will be ever satisfy to be in, nor any ultimate goal. I am fluid.

And it is not about making a difference between myself and the public. I am just reminding myself that I have to aware of every changes of myself and the environment for the fact that I will never be the same.

“You mentioned I quite a number of times, shouldn’t art be meant for making a better upon the public instead of merely an egotistical story about oneself?”

You are right, art always start with myself, me or I. Yet, it does not connotate that the artwork would be about me. Artwork is a pause between the start and the end. All artworks that one artist made convey the whole general line (or several lines) of thinking in his/her life. I am quite sure earlier works would be usually either imitation of other piece as well as rather egotistical, since we start from ourselves. As our thinking goes on, our thinking developed, our art pieces might have already moved away from ourselves, yet there is always an embedded link between the artwork and the artist inside of it.

Anyway, maybe being egotistical might allow me to find value in the art piece, then why not? However, consequences such as criticism and social disapproval could be foresee. If one could bear these consequences, and love being egotistical, I would encourage you to do it. Eventually, we all will die, if we do not satisfy ourselves when possible, it shall be a pity.

“Shouldn’t you spent your availability to benefit the public rather than producing egotistical piece?”

Chinese history told us that in order for a kingdom to develop their country, other than making logical statement in the policy, the king should also care about whether the policy is emotionally satisfied by the citizens. Other than logically telling ourselves that benefiting the public makes a better value in the art piece, one should also consider if the art piece satisfy myself emotionally as well.

Back to the question, it is actually asking about the morality as an artist to produce beneficial ingredients for the public. I would say this morality is a choice as well. If the artwork that follow this morality satisfy me emotionally and logically, I do it. If not, then I would consider the consequences to go against this morality. If the consequences is unbearable no matter how hard I think, then I might just give up on this particular idea.

Click here to download this writing


29 Dec 2019


吃著暖包子,邊接著我媽打來的電話。說著說著,發現我忘記告訴我媽轉錢來交學費以致沒了早交學費的折頭。聽到老媽如常的責罵,有一種 Jamais vu 的感覺,明明每句話都是如此的例牌,咬文嚼字後卻是如此陌生,因為內容就是不停地重複金錢對家庭的重要性,彷彿是以千字述一語,內容漸變空洞,最後憤怒的原因已脫離初因,因怒而怒。我感到煩厭,就掛了電話。我為何而怒?



吃著暖包子,邊接著我媽打來的電話。說著說著,發現我忘記告訴我媽轉錢來交學費以致沒了早交學費的折頭。聽到老媽如常的責罵,有一種 Jamais vu 的感覺,明明每句話都是如此的例牌,咬文嚼字後卻是如此陌生,因為內容就是不停地重複金錢對家庭的重要性,彷彿是以千字述一語,內容漸變空洞,最後憤怒的原因已脫離初因,因怒而怒。我感到煩厭,就掛了電話。我為何而怒?


非也。她是非常支持我想做的事情的,只不過在較大的著根兒上比較保守。其實說到底我憤怒的理由比我媽的怒火更無謂,大概就是最近私人空間少了,思考時間少了,就容易受激怒吧。既不壓抑自己的怒火,也不增長其火力,雖說觀看自己的怒火還是挺煎熬的,不過我好像看到了平時看不到的自己。等等,這樣說好像也不對,如 David Joseph Bohm所闡說的,我是我,思緒還思緒,當別人挑戰我的價值觀時,別人並非在攻擊我,所以我也並非一定要通過不同行為來防衛自己。相反,觀察自己當下的反應能誘發對於自己認為正確的定論的質疑。




22 Aug 2019




「把水杯停息在嘴唇上」,嘴唇的觸感比手掌的觸感來得敏感,可遠遠說不上性感,因為這不是那種男女之間愛的觸感。我也沒有感受過這種觸碰,不過我明白皮膚相偎的觸碰。比起擁抱 ,與家人的觸碰最多就是通過按摩。按摩是按在穴位上,產生一陣陣蘇麻的感覺,以此舒緩根絡,是一種給予者和受者分明的觸碰,每每觸碰都是如此的清楚、明暸的,是一種公開的愛。比其較為親密的就是擁抱,通過與墨西哥人的相處,我不再認為擁抱是家人與情人的專利,擁抱或者其他更親密的接觸在適當的情況下是能起不同的效果的。通過身體接觸,我把我自身從未發覺的魅力、我自身的能量,傳遞到對方,這是言語無法替代的溝通!我也說不出我自身的魅力,但是有人曾對我說過「你自己的魅力比你想像中來得更強大」,這句話在我遠聽著千里外的風聲時一次又一次地在我耳邊循環著。我的魅力到底是什麼?這是怎麼樣的力量?我如何 、何時、何地能發揮我的力量?厭倦了每天隔岸觀火,奈何我過不了江,過了也滅不了火。我的自由只在思考著如何使自己成長以致未來我能成為水,滅未來的火。

「之後的每個步驟都要一個接一個的,要有意識地去喝水,感受水經過喉嚨、身體時的感覺」,不然水只是食糧,不能成為精神食糧。在行為藝術家瑪莉娜·阿布拉莫維奇(Marina Abramović)的展示下1,通過清醒地感受著喝水的每個過程,我們放棄了沉迷在自己的思考中,我們專注活在當刻,感受著來自五官的信息、思考著感受到的種種。隔岸有著局外者之清,同時非知魚之(哀)樂。如劉進圖所言般的2,我覺得雨傘的力量在於顯示雞蛋敢於受苦也不畏高牆,是比暴力更強大的軟勢力,暴力只會成為高牆用以逼迫雞蛋的籌碼,但同時我沒有體驗過高牆的逼迫,沒有體驗過其中所帶來的仇恨,因此我是深刻的明白我是沒有資格評論這千里外之亂的,就只能在此提起一二。



  1. Marina Abramovic: How to drink a glass of water: https://youtu.be/3MI9b4bC7Mk 

  2. 鏗鏘說: 同是本根生: (開始於18:01) https://youtu.be/8KbGa_nl4GE?t=1081 


31 Dec 2020







睡於20:00,接近00:00因熱致醒,再睡,身內熱外無異,約03:00再醒,頭跳乃至痛,極熱,洗澡,降溫補水。看黃帝內經之講解至大概07:00,再睡,日起於約10:30。至11: 18躺臥,肚空之痛。11:50雞絲湯麵,暖胃,麵多則脹胃。繼續研習王洪圖先生的內經講解課。約15:30知飢,16:20番茄薯仔紀子湯成,少食多餐,晡於18:30畢。紀子本甘甜,焦則苦澀,18:00反煲,紀子過熟,湯偏酸苦。其間暖湯暖胃,則頻密如廁舒胃氣。便時赤時褐。肚臍東北西北位,隱隱作痛,以為腸之風。其後蓋被窩,肚暖痛處緩,覺此痛乃與寒熱相關。不過每每身體易位,感此痛,痛像病始時之腸炎之痛。19:00開始策劃此日記,編寫至01:11,入睡。


  1. 清湯為主,適量麵食。
  2. 余常作費神之為,則乏力消化,是以點到即止矣。
  3. 費神之為為心動,宜避心亂之地;適時驛馬,避心亂。
  4. 常洗澡,運皮膚之力代內臟吸水。



睡於01:11,醒與約06:00,姨媽舅父相談探病母之事。再睡,醒於約08:00,慾洗澡,惰而棄洗。10:46早餐成,牛油果蒜頭意粉(guacamole aglio el elio),牛油果遇熱則不鮮,意粉煮熟隔1分鐘才混以牛油果。繼續編寫此記至約15:00,同屋與其友喧鬧無度,燥動也。故約15:30離家往工作室去,其處方為安寧利思之處也。16:15外賣越南雞絲湯粉(Chicken Pho),食時則食,無惟他事,慢嚼易消化。其後編寫藝術論文至19:00。買菜歸家,至家乃20:00。後雖無所事事,亦有寫此記之為。同屋稍吵,不易睡意,睡於約00:30。



10:37外賣自取越南雞絲湯粉(Chicken Pho),偏無味清淡,平衡週始之熱氣。炸薯餅兩塊,口癢之果。探朋Honza於1:15時,乃談至音樂即興、天道理論之根源、雜事等等。17:46Honza家常炒雜菜意粉,清淡而爽。睡於12:00。


8 Apr 2019










90天。 每天20張,以每張半個小時,那20張就是10小時。

啊,累了,睡了。 (第二天)


不行不行。 如果我可以把每天時間由10小時減到2小時?在哪裡刪減而不影響質素?











17 Apr 2019






此刻的我頗確定他真是困於異地的,因此我就在想77歐羅對我而言是多貴重。第一,77歐元 大概就是我每月飲食與雜費的七份之一。第二,資金來自父母。首先,我之前的幾個月都在捷克銀行裡存了一些餘錢,而且我家裡財務的問題通常都是週轉不來,只要我不從家裡戶口拿額外的錢,就不會有太大的問題。第二,除非需要,我不會額外洗費,因此我花費時都會問自己花費的價值在於哪裡,這不僅是對我父母賺來的錢的珍惜,更是我所追求的簡約主義的實行。



路上,我比平常發現了更多乞丐。我在想,他們跟那位中年男子有什麼區別,乞丐們甚至不要求我給予他們多少錢。我從小以來都不喜歡給乞丐錢,因為我給了這位,我想不到理由不給下一位,如此一來不如我一開始不給,好讓我不用花腦汁把每位乞丐仔細分類,然後分配我有限的資源。我很清楚知道我不是富有的,但是我在某個程度上有自由決定如何花費有限的資金。 因此,遇到陌生人問我要錢,我不能接受無意義的花費。因為我了解到我的77塊確實能幫到他回國,然而乞丐們即使我給他們了,我依然看不到它們會在生活上有什麼改變。我從來都不會對乞丐產生同情心,因為我不知道他們的故事。一概而論地表明“我很同情乞丐”聽起來更像一種表現自身道德修養的措辭。因此同情也不是我會出錢的理由。








26 Jun 2019



最近我都在收集我產生的垃圾,故事源於一則笑話。我經常都在吃一家本地快餐店的長包,逐漸變成人人皆知的事情,大家討論起來我就說 “對啊,那些包裝我收集起來的話都能做一套西裝了”。反正也挺有意思的,我就試試收集起來唄。收集過程就是會覺得很煩很髒,不過完成清洗的工作後還是挺治愈的,就是感覺自己是在對自己的生活負責任。可對於想過簡約生活的人,即使只有“想”,也不習慣家裡有一大堆垃圾。於是那些垃圾就成了過去幾個月的一種微不足道但是礙眼的壓力。












A Day Wondering in my Universe

2 May 2020


This is my disclosure to my spirituality. In my terms, to be spiritual, you just need to listen to your own breath, the most familiar sound yet very alien if you listen to it enough. In fact, do not care about what spirituality is about, you must have a different idea of what spirituality is about, care about what YOUR spirituality is about.

This is a write-up originally meant to be published on the Spirit Festival Prague 2020 website, but the event was cancelled due to COVID-19. Therefore, this is a short reflection about spirituality after I went to India for 2 weeks in February 2020.

Woke up in the middle of the day, with the frustration of continuing the work from where I left off last night. There are few things I have to do everyday to make myself feel like a human, I have to cook, sit under the sun, sleep/nap and take care of my sensitive skin. I do them regardless of whether I am motivated or not. They are like breathing, you usually don’t think about it, but if you do, if you listen to your breath enough, if you observe without manipulation of how you breathe, you will find something alien in your most familiar breath.

I was bored, I felt empty because I was not doing anything. As I was wondering if the nature of humans is “to always do something”, I was also on a 7 hours taxi ride immediately after 12 hours of flight to a village in Himalayas mountain to volunteer there. Not only did I feel bored, but also traumatised and angry at myself who got scammed immediately after I got off the plane. I translated all the air that I breathed into my sketchbook, the polluted, non-flowing air I breathed in at New Delhi, the stomachache, the stirring air in my tummy on the taxi ride, and eventually the refreshing air I breathed out at Rishikesh. Was there any point for sketching such immediate experience? No, I don’t usually do things because I want to make a point or there is a conscious reason for it. Or, let me propose to you a suggestion, maybe if you pay enough attention to yourself, to your own breath, if you observe yourself enough, you don’t have to think about a reason to do something, but rather let yourself simply react to your breath, to your thoughts. Oh wait, maybe I sketched so that I could observe myself, my breath in a distance, or so that I could be fully attentive to what I was experiencing. Or maybe I was just too traumatised and I simply needed something to distract myself. Or, which is more likely to be the case, I simply felt a need to do something because I am human.

Back to Prague, now I am sitting in the toilet thinking about my stays in other countries. I contributed to an orphan’s community in Germany for 2 weeks, I participated in an artist research in Lisbon for 2 weeks, I planted trees in Himalayas mountain for 2 weeks, during all these times I felt empty, a feeling of uneasiness no matter how fun these experiences were. That emptiness is the same when I ride on a roller coaster, I know I am and will be fine, but I don’t feel secure or comfortable. Yet those are times where each little detail of my reality was magnified, the reality became very dense thus profound. Sitting on the toilet now, with toilet paper art the side makes me feel privileged, actually no, the more suitable term here is “unnecessary”. In the village I stayed in in the Himalayas, the toilet paper rush happening in big cities because of the coronavirus is a totally absurd idea. Toilet paper in the village is non-existent. I will always use toilet paper when there is toilet paper, because it keeps me clean, but I know that on a fundamental level, it is not necessary. There would be no reflection if I did not plant myself out of my greenhouse from time to time. It is through comparison between the outer universe and my greenhouse that allows me to reflect on myself and my greenhouse. By alienating myself from my normal living condition, I unlearn part of what I think is given to me unconditionally, and re-discover what my greenhouse looks like.

I am nowhere near to what people would call it a spiritual life. I am nowhere disciplined in doing things, my schedule is always improvised. I am not someone who is able to change or control his mind whenever. Spirituality is often associated with mindfulness, with our mind but I do not like this idea. Our mind can never be detached from our body, and any material world, no matter if the world is just an empty cave. They are the same thing, the whole universe is one thing, one undividable atom. All the time we tried to control our mind, tried to get rid of unwanted emotions/thoughts, either they failed miserably or the desirable situation only happened temporarily. Have ever you thought of why we would feel sad? Maybe they are signs of something that is worthy to be listened to. Why would totalitarian government collapse? Because they often made repression of the media, freedom etc. And the more repression, the harder the people would fight against, just as we will fight against ourselves when we try to get rid of our anxiety. We need not control, instead we need guidance and flow. I have a dream, I want at the time when I am dead, I have empty bookshelves, because at that point of time, I would have already guided the book to flow to where they want to go. Things could get more coordinated in our favor in a totally unexpected way when we try not to control.

Anxieties, griefs, tears, traumas, they are not sickness, they are part of us that need our attention. They just want attention, they just want us to look at them, just like how we look at any parts of our body. In fact, all emotions, anxieties, body parts, things in the material world are seeking for attention, they just want us to see them as how they look like, hear them as how they smell like. We just need to observe them, and one will find something new, something interesting in them, and become curious like a child. You are a child chasing after the appearance of your mind, your body and things. With enough time spent on the most superficial appearance of the world, you would have already acquired the ability to go deep into yourself. The term Jamais vu means that if you look at something familiar with intense attention, you would find the most alien discovery in the most familiar object.

This is my disclosure to my spirituality. In my terms, to be spiritual, you just need to listen to your own breath, the most familiar sound yet very alien if you listen to it enough. In fact, do not care about what spirituality is about, you must have a different idea of what spirituality is about, care about what YOUR spirituality is about.

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